If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
