Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
