why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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