So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
