My hand turned me down
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
