Who wears a wallet chain?!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I need water and some morals
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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