I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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