her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
