hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
