woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
