Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
