i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
