Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
