he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
