I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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