I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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