Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
