Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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