Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
wanna go halves on a baby?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
