where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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