The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
