Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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