Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
