trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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