I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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