i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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