if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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