I should be sponsored by Trojan
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Randomize
