I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
