Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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