The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
