he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
