Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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