i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
