I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
