This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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