No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Even my vagina gasped.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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