you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
