It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
