Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
