Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
