I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
