I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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