Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I smell stomach acid.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
