I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just saw a hot homeless man
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
