seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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