Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
it was like eating out sand paper
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
