Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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