So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You're like the curious george of whores
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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