There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
