i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
