i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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