You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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