Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
