im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I believe in your delicious
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
