There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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