I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
