areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
After last night, I could never be a politician.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
