Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
