I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
