Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Randomize
