i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
