I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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