i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
