I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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