We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
