I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
