For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize