His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
