he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My Sexting was not on an AP level
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize