I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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