he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
